Life as a New Mom

A first-time mom adjusting to her new everything

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Another landmark, and other goings-on

I am so excited to finally have hit my double-digit countdown to my due date.  It makes it seem attainable, something I really need right now.  Lately, every evening I’ve felt like absolute rubbish, dealing with pain and unable to have any downtime after work.

After my doctor’s appointment last week, it doesn’t look like that’s going away any time soon.  I was diagnosed with sciatica, and it isn’t something they can “fix” because sciatica is caused by some other condition – in my case, pregnancy.  Their stated goal with treatment is to diminish the pain by 50%.  So I would still be in near-constant pain, just a lesser degree of it.  And the treatment?  Is going to either a physical therapist or chiropractor, multiple times a week.  I’m not interested in doing that, because our insurance doesn’t cover the cost of anything until we hit our deductible, and there’s no resolution.  It doesn’t make sense to me, rational or financial, to pay someone to treat me multiple times a week, miss work because I have to be at said treatments, and pay out-of-pocket for those treatments, when the condition causing the problem isn’t going to get fixed.  I talked it over with my husband and decided that I will not pursue treatment for those reasons.

A lot of my life seems taken up by concerns lately.  We just found out a good friend moved up his wedding to the end of September, and it means a lot to my husband that I attend.  Since he seldom asks things like that of me, I agreed to go and go approved for time off from work (looking forward to that part!).  But the wedding is an 8-hour car ride away with only 1 pit stop.  I can’t imagine how many we’ll need this time around, but I’m thinking at least one every 2 hours, plus the discomfort of riding in a car for that long.  I’ll be 4 days away from 8 months pregnant the day of the wedding, we’ll be staying with people I’d rather not, and the entire trip will occur over just 4 days.  I know I can do it, I’m just nervous about being a nuisance on the drive.  I did stand up for myself though, and told my husband that if he wanted me to go then we would have to leave earlier than we normally do, at noon instead of late afternoon, so he would have to take a half-day off at work.  When we leave, we’ll leave early morning the day after, for the same reasons: I get worse in the evenings, so it will be exponentially harder for me to leave late.

I swear, some days I wonder how I’ll possibly live with this until the baby drops.  Then I remember I don’t have a choice.  So I live with it.


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A new day, new discomforts

I’ve reached a milestone in this pregnancy.  I am no longer comfortable, anywhere, at any time.  Is there anyone out there who was ever excited by this moment in time?  I doubt it.  Doctors have tried to sugar the issue, saying things like “your baby is growing and it’s healthy!”  At this point, I can’t say that I care too much about that.  I’m going to assume for the duration that unless told otherwise, things are progressing as they should.  And I think a fetus is remarkably hardy, considering, so my exercising or lifting a box of books is unlikely to alter that.  Therefore, I am not going to be excited by the fact that my body is doing its job.  I am going to be annoyed by the fact it has betrayed me in favor of a fetus.

For over 2 weeks I’ve had pain in my hip such that I can barely walk.  Fortunately, my work schedule has involved some late days and a 4 day work-week – an extra day of rest is something I really appreciate.  But even with the extra rest, I still have the pain every day, any time I move the joint, sit on it (unavoidable) or walk.  It got bad enough that yesterday I called the doctor and left a message describing it and what I’ve done, wanting to know if I could put this off until my appointment next Tuesday.  I got a call back within an hour, and they bumped my appointment up to Friday.  We’ll see what happens then.  I hope something that fixes it.

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A wrathful beast

I’ve become one of the most ill-tempered people around lately.  Not that my normal disposition was rosy to start with, mind you, so anything beyond the starting point is just taking something and making it worse.

But I can’t even chalk the mood up to mood swings – it’s not swinging, it’s pretty damn stationary, and it’s stuck on crappy.  I’m not sure it’s even as bad as I think (the answer is probably “yes!”) because all of the things that are currently getting under my skin are things that are minor but build up.  You know the type – explaining things 57 times to the same person, or having to argue with people who think policies don’t apply to them, or being put off by others’ bad moods or aggressive behavior.  There comes a point when all that just can’t roll off your back any longer, because the piles of things previously rolled-off are hip deep and the annoyance stays firmly where it is.  The net result is that I am now constantly in a state of irritation.

I should mention all these annoyances come from dealing with adults, not children.  In other words, people you expect to know better and from whom you have a right to expect common courtesy.  Then you get annoyed by the challenge of giving said courtesy when you seldom receive it, and your mood worsens because you feel unappreciated.  I made a flowchart.

A nice chart showing the downward spiral

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Pregnancy brain = Insanity brain?

For some reason, I slept incredibly poorly last night.  My best guess is that my husband and I kept each other up, and combined with the heat neither of us were able to fall asleep and stay that way.  So here I am, running on about 3.5 hours of sleep, and after working for almost 9 hours, you’d think a normal person would want to rest.  Instead, I chose to go get some groceries, make a chicken pot pie from scratch for dinner, and rearrange bits of our pantry, storage closet, and garage.

The most amusing part of that list of chores?  Not a single one actually needed done.  I wanted to make the chicken pot pie, so I went ahead and made it, plus I doubled the filling recipe so I have a nearly ready-bake meal.  I bought a pantry door organizer last week, so I wanted to make sure I got everything situated the way I wanted.  I knew I’d need more room in the storage closet for some baby paraphernalia like extra diapers, wipes, and things of that sort, so I decided to go ahead and make that room.  Before you ask, no, they can’t go in baby’s closet because the closet in the nursery has a table in it.  A play-table, really, but it’s on its side being stored there for when baby needs a bigger room, so no space for diapers, etc.

I’m probably over-estimating the amount of storage space I’ll need, but I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than harried and dismayed…

What did you do for storage for the baby items?

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A fresh new horror

Maybe I’m supposed to be excited about this, but….seeing a kick from the outside actually move my skin is one of the most horrifying, blaringly wrong experiences I’ve had to date.  Everything in my mind screamed how wrong it was to see my body move in that way and watch my abdomen ripple.
I don’t care if it’s “natural” or a “bonding moment”.  I don’t even think there’s anything worth bonding over, as it would surely secure only resentment at this point.  I’m sleep-deprived because baby decided during the day is the ideal time to sleep, and now my body moves without my permission.  I have no idea how I will deal with the coming months.