I’ve dealt with a lot of guilt, off and on, lately – normally it comes about 16 hours after I react or overreact to some stimulus in a way I know my mama taught me was inappropriate. There are honestly times when I wonder how old I really am, and why I think I can act decades younger…
I tried talking to my husband Friday about how concerned I was for our upcoming trip, how I didn’t want to be the center of attention, how I wanted to talk with the people we’re visiting about things other than my pregnancy. I did make it clear I don’t mind a few questions, like “how are you doing”, “how far are you”, or other neutral statements. The problem is that I do not often get neutral statements. At work I get told constantly how small I am, where am I putting the baby, am I sure, and while I think they’re well-meaning, the bottom line is that those comments are rude and hurtful. I also get stories of how horrible things will be, and the last thing I need is horror stories of birth, babies, or turning into Driving Miss Daisy.
Some of the people we’re visiting have a history of wanting to always talk about the bad. It happened when my mom was dying: always wanting to talk about how unfair it was because she was so nice, how hard it is, how rotten she must feel, and on and on for hours. So maybe I’m a little sensitive to things that could be considered rude questions.
My husband’s response: suck it up and you’d better be nice because if we don’t want to alienate people then sometimes we have to just deal with things we don’t like.
I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was hoping for a promise of defense, or running interference of some sort. I just felt incredibly let down, and it’s affected my mood this whole weekend, as I try not to sulk like a 4-year-old because honestly? It wasn’t that big of a deal.